Production Problems

I find the concept of mass producing Placenta Shampoo to be simply staggering.

Whenever I try and imagine gathering the tonnes of placenta needed, all I can picture is some guy skidding in to a delivery room Kramer style. The woman's legs still up in stirrups, the baby is in the doctor's hands. With no introduction the shampoo company acquisition guy nods to the bloody bag on the floor.

"Are you all done with that?"

I bet you would have to dress that job up on your resume.

Surviving Atomic Attack

Back in the fifties they used to have nuclear attack drills, where you would cower beneath your desk or in the cellar in preparedness for kissing your ass goodbye during nuclear attack. Eventually they stopped doing them. Most people say it is because we wised up and realized there was no surviving a nuclear strike.

I take a different view. Spiderman came out in the early sixties. I think since then we have just all been waiting until the day when we too get our super powers. I have been spending a lot of time wondering what I want to be if I hit the nuclear lottery and I have decided I want to be a lifeless radioactive husk. I bet no-one else has thought of that one.

Human It's what's for dinner.

The phrase goes "It's always darkest before the dawn." I respectfully disagree. The other day I was up before dawn and it was really kind of light.

I say it is always darkest in the middle of the night when you are in the woods. It is always darker when you know you have just gone down several levels on the food chain.

Purity

White. It is worn by the bride in weddings, it's the garb of angels.

Yet how do you make the color white? By sticking every other color in, in equal amounts at the same time. Doesn't sound too pure to me. To me, that sounds like the recipe for a really great porno.

Next time you meet some bigot talking about the purity of the white line, explain politely that in that case he/she needs to service seven people of various colors at once. If necessary, use pictures.