Processing and Storage

It seems to my diseased mind that we aren't nearly as far along with technology as we think we are.

Now we have our 1-2 TB Hard Drives and I just read last week about disks that can go up to 10 TB. My first reaction was like wow that's a lot until I remembered that once I thought 10 MB was a lot. My first computer was a commodore 64 - that bitch had 64K of memory available. My computer here has 4GB of memory so it literally had 1/65,536Th as much. Thinking about the size of my commodore 64 I could probably fill my house with the things floor to ceiling twice to get the same amount of memory as I have now - and then where would I put my chair? Definitely sub-optimal.

So what I have now is definitely an improvement. But can I record every satellite's feed from space? Not even close. I bet 10 TB wouldn't fit a millisecond from all the satellites in orbit pointing downwards at us here on the old green.

As for my processor, I might feel pretty psyched about having a 4-core processor but for perspective tens of thousands of machines link up to do the bidding of folding@home and study proteins folding over the course of a nanosecond and that shit takes months. One day I will be able to do that on my own box. In the background while playing a game. As I download the satellite feed of New York to watch some event aerially.

Show me that computer and I will be impressed. But only if I can browse with a nuclear mouse.

J.K. Who?

I think a lot about the dark ages. They are called the dark ages because so little is known about them. This happened because literacy was so low that no written word was kept.

I think of today as the modern dark ages. Everyone knows at least a little about classical music even if it only to name Mozart and Beethoven. Everyone has heard of Shakespeare and Dickens, even if they know little about their work. Why? Because anyone can copy it, change it, make it their own. Now with copyright laws at modern standards, the red Italian plumber can only appear in licensed Nintendo products, movies cannot be shown without express consent, you can't play music even at a charity event without writing your soul over to the RIAA in a contract of your own blood and you had better believe you will never see a Harry Potter book without J.K. Rowlins name on the cover.

If the system breaks down, all these figures will be lost within a generation. I guess that is a small price to pay for no-one to know who Celine Dion or Britney Spears are. Yeah yeah I know, "Leave Britney Alone". I could also live my life not knowing who he is either.

Just go around back.

I am at times astounded by our willingness to believe the improbable. Nigerian scams come to mind.

I think Nigerian scams become more plausible as you become more successful. If you run a company and someone sends you an email imploring help discretely moving about large sums of money... well that is at least vaguely believable. If you program in a dark cubicle such as myself, well you have to ask yourself if really you are the right man for the job. I mean hell, I can't even balance my checkbook - are you really sure you want me in charge of your swimming pool of cash?

On a different improbable note I remember hearing about the zookeeper who died because of an avalanche of elephant poo suffocating him and never even thought (at the time) that this one might be just a little bit untrue.

Still though, being able to list "Elephant Shit" as your cause of death on your application for a new existence has got to warrant a second look of your resume. A real backdoor approach at reincarnation.

Judgement (of the) Day

My big complaint against capitalism is that we don't actually use it. The worst lawyer ever will always make more than the best cleaner. Yeah I get that more people can clean thus making the job inherently pay less but where is the reward for excellence.

I bet when robots take over it will be different. At the days end the number of electric shocks you get from the cattle prod is inversely proportional to your performance at your assigned task.

At least, that's how I would do it.

It is pronounced her-b not er-b

Often people remark as to whether I have any right to celebrate Thanksgiving being a Brit living in America. Normally this is a flagrant attempt to extol the fairness of me working over the holiday.

To them I say one thing. I will stop giving thanks when you start using the language correctly. It is still called "English" after all.

The price of poor planning

I am always astounded by the concept that suicide is illegal. Someone is so sad they wish to depart this world, they fail and then they get arrested for it?

I think anyone who attempts suicide should be given a mug of hot chocolate, a cookie and a big hug.

Mind you, that might be sending the wrong message too.

Wishing for Pros

I am disgusted whenever I hear a story involving wishing where the wisher wants more wishes. Not because that is morally reprehensible but because they are obviously doing it wrong. Wishes should not be bestowed upon amateurs because you KNOW that all they are going to get out of the whole experience is a life lesson. You can get life lessons by watching Oprah so leave the wishing up to us pros.

The secret to good wishing is poor punctuation.

If you cannot get everything you want with one wish you have no place asking for one. To those negative nancy's who say it is greedy to ask for so much, I still have room for a mop up wish and then a final one to release the genie so who is selfish now?

A successful wish should follow the following format:

I wish I had the ability to change the physical age and appearance of anyone by thinking about it and I was rich and I can cure disease and I can read the minds of others and I had a castle and a pony named silver and ... etc

If you need to gather additional breath simply put up a finger to indicate you are not done.